For the past three weeks I have been completely and utterly unmotivated to do anything worthwhile. I haven't been doing my habits, or following any of my routines. I haven't even looked at my list of things to do this month. I've had ideas for blog posts, but as you can tell, none of them made it into the blogosphere. I've felt anxious and depressed and angry at my backslide and this has had me frozen in place for weeks now, unable to take that first step back to productiveness.
I'm not exactly sure what lead to this slump in my motivation and diligence to chores. I've been lucky to pretty much get to follow my own schedule for some time now and haven't had a sense of urgency in completing any of my daily tasks by a certain time. Up to starting the bartending class, I went about my daily life in a very leisurely way and accomplished things at my own pace. It was great to get to follow my own schedule, but all I was really doing for myself was reinforcing my tendency to procrastination. I would get up and take all morning to complete my morning routine instead of trying to get through everything as quickly as possible. Instead of immediately making my bed every morning, I would get around to making the bed sometime in the afternoon. I felt good about getting the bed made, but was establishing a bad habit of dilly-dallying through the day and not managing my time well. My morning routine shouldn't take me half the day to complete!!! One of the main reasons to have a routine is to learn to use my time as efficiently as possible.
Since the beginning of the year, I've made the mistake of letting myself live in a little bubble of convenience I created for myself. I was achieving some success in establishing better habits for myself, but that success was limited to the bubble I was in. As soon as I had to pop that bubble and step out into the annoying real world, my habits fell apart. I've been too lackadaisical about the changes I need to make in order to be the person I know I can be. It's easy to live in a convenient world. Unfortunately, the real world isn't as accommodating as I would like it to be. My real test is maintaining my habits and routines despite the stresses of living in the real world. I guess it's time to step outside my comfort zone. I don't have to like it, but I do have to do it. Reinventing myself is the hardest thing I've ever set out to do.