Sunday Confessions 38

The United States of Becky

I confess:  Wednesday we had our final dress rehearsal for the series of plays I'm in.  It's the first time I've been on stage in over 4 years.  We've been rehearsing at a private home instead of in a theatre, and Wednesday is the first time we actually performed on stage - in a theatre.  The only people there were a handful of other actors, directors, playwrights, and the tech crew, but for some reason I was so incredibly nervous for our little 10 minute play.  I didn't forget any of my lines, but I felt like my voice was shaky and I definitely was trembling.  It wasn't quite stage fright - but my heart was definitely trying to beat right out my chest.  I haven't felt that particular feeling since I was 13 and had my first lead role.  Thankfully I only had a case of the nerves on Wednesday and not on any of the show days.

I confess:  I'm in this weird in-between where I'm not 100% stay at home mom/wife, so I'm having a hard time figuring out my identity - like, I "work" 3 days a week when I manage to have clients and I'm juggling blogging/random side gigs to make money online, so I feel like I have a job/jobs so I shouldn't be as responsible for home things, but I earn waaaaaaaaay less than my husband and put in waaaaaaaaaay less work hours, so I know I should probably be more domestic.  I think if I didn't have any responsibility to earn money I'd think of wifery as more of my job than I do now.  So I'm clearly having a mental disconnect between how I see myself and how things actually are.  Dennis called me a housewife a few weeks ago and my first thought was that I wasn't a housewife, I wish I was a housewife.  But upon further thought, yeah, I'm a housewife - but I'm not only a housewife which is where things seem to be confused in my mind.  #streamofconsciousness

I confess:  Have you seen this article on Scary Mommy?  Well, it's about a woman's FB post about having PCOS and the excess facial hair that can come with it (along with a host of other symptoms/side effects) and when I saw it, I burst into tears because I know exactly how dehumanizing, shameful, and depressing it is to have to shave your face as a woman.  I don't have the money for laser hair removal or to get waxed.  Plucking is out because I practically have a goatee - so I'm one of those lucky women who has to shave her face.  I've thought about confessing that here since the beginnings of Sunday Confessions, but it's too much of a shame filled topic for me to talk about.  As if it isn't bad enough to be infertile, I also get to shave my face!  Fun.

Linking up with United States of Becky

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